Monday, August 10, 2009

A bit of veiled conceit, 3AM edition

"A glimpse into that haven of superficial, pretentious, pseudo-aristocratic vanity: The NY Times' Wedding & Celebration Announcements "*

Cailin O'Connor and James Weatherall

"Hello! We might be as upset that you are that our picture wasn't online and you were forced to take a picture of your own newspaper, then remember how to use the rotate tool in GIMP.** Or maybe we just like teeth."

The bride! Likes teeth, not T's. Look at her first name more closely and feel the shame of a hundred substitutes while the rest of the class snickers on.

The bridegroom! Getting a PhD in philosophy, ATM machine FAIL! He already has a PhD in physics from here - never heard of it, won't make fun of it, guess he didn't like the program at his undergrad. He's appears to have been an experimentalist. Now, he's pursuing both that doctorate of philosophy in philosophy, and an MFA in creative writing - something terrible happened. The boson is a lie.

Mary Ziegler and John Roberts III

"I knew that I was seeing a very beautiful woman at her frumpiest"

When they first met, she was wearing her 'beater glasses.' I, too, have beater glasses. Coincidentally, they are also my nice glasses.

This would be a perfectly ordinary couple were it not for the couch. Actually, an "uncomfortable," "ugly," "stain-spotted" love seat. Very romantic. She was sick of it, and New York, so she sold it to him so that his female visitors wouldn't have to sit on the bed.

Then she laid beater-glasses-corrected eyesight on him and it was she that ended up back on the couch and back in New York.

As for the couch itself, it makes a cameo on the couple's wedding cake:

It's smaller than I expected. Also, fewer stains. Just let me run the blacklight over it before I hand over the cash.

*This quote and concept are stolen from 'Zach's' original Veiled Conceit

**GIMP - Photoshop for people that haven't got $1000 lying around and think they might be getting a little old to steal everything. Really, when was the last time you used it for anything but crop and autocontrast (don't answer Hippity, Westy, or Milensomthingsomthing).