Sunday, March 25, 2007

More Veiled Conceit*

Peruse this wedding announcement:

"Unknown to Ms. Luft, her skirt had somehow become tucked into her pantyhose. When the elevator door opened, she realized there was a problem. 'I only noticed when everyone in the elevator was staring at my backside,'"

Obviously, this woman is very enamored of her sweet, tight buns or she wouldn't have related this tidbit to the whole planet. Or at least she was enamored of her 16 year old buns. Let's see what Wechter has to say about it:

''I was very attracted to Sara when I first met her... She's got a very engaging personality. I thought about her all the way home.''

Sweet, tight, engaging.

Couples write their own wedding announcements, so one can only wonder why the couple chose to write it this way. Do they want us to read between the lines? Do they figure they have a better shot of getting in if they have a bit of salacious summer camp gossip?

Doing an O&P (That's occupations and parents) we find that their jobs are investment/portfolio types, as are their parents, so, they're standard fare for the NYTWCA. They live in New Jersey, he works in Greenwich, and she works in New York. How miserable. Each of them spends at least 3 hours a day in the car or in transit.

Other than the meeting story, this couple is so aggressively boring that they would normally fly under the VC radar, except for the bride's heavily aftershadowed closing line, '''It was Josh, making sure I got home safely from my flight,'' she said. 'That was when we were 16 years old, and we've pretty much stayed together since.'''

pretty much [prit-ee muhch] adv. 1. After dating for two years dating long distance, they agreed to 'see other people at college.' His banana face

doomed him to four years of sucking face at closing time at the Copabanana. (Slogan: Where ugly girls go to cop banana faces.

I just realized that this icon is probably for an establishment where ugly girls go to cop other sorts of bananas, but I think the point is made). His bitterness increased when in a desperate, drunk dialing rage he called her voice mail and got: "Hi, this is Sar, please leave a message after the tone. If you're calling because you saw my name above the urinal at Tongue and Groove (click for awesome music), please send a head and a body shot to I'm totally stoked to hear from you, bye-ee." His sobbing description of a strange sore on his penis drew out her compassion, and she agreed to get back together... after the penicillin kicked in.

2. He demanded that they stay together through college, but then one day that girl in his Management 318 class showed up with her skirt tucked in her pantyhose. She flew in unexpectedly to surprise him, and found the pantyhose draped over his doornob. "Wechter?" He said over the phone, "I hardly knew 'er." Six years, 14 breakups, and numerous heartfelt conversations later, they give up on dating other people and show the whole world their orthodontic work on the NYTWCA.

3. In order to stay together in college, they lived in Rocky Mount, VA (exactly halfway between University City and Atlanta) and commuted 6 hours in either direction, which makes their current 3 hour commute look like crossing the street. Once she got really sleepy and stayed in a rest stop in North Carolina, so they spent the night apart.

Which do you think is most likely?

*Veiled Conceit is the original idea of 'Zach' at Veiled Conceit
With special help from Cara.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Little Veiled Conceit*

Veiled Conceit: A glimpse into that haven of superficial, pretentious, pseudo-aristocratic vanity: The NY Times' Wedding & Celebration Announcements

Before we begin this week's edition of Veiled Conceit, I'd like to give small public service announcement:

Do not, under any circumstances let your picture look like this:

Seriously. She's either ridiculously smug, or giving every pretentious male in the U.S. a 'come-hither' look. Maybe both. She was in the Peace Corps. I would say that ex-Peace Corps folk are usually highly pretentious about it, but the one's I know are actually quite nice. damn. She used to fight child trafficking in Nepal, but then she started working for Planned Parenthood, and you know what inappropriate trafficking joke goes here. As for the groom, Bob, he's totally oblivious, although his gaze is oddly mesmerizing.

Update: I just noticed the bride is 35. I swear officer. I know she looks 17, but at least she's old enough to know to lie, right?

Let's go to this week's vows couple, fine art photographer Alex Heilner and his bride to be Amy Scott. Let's look at some of his work, eh? I immediately went for the collection called 'microbes.' The best I can say is that the landscape photos are much better.

a colony of Penicillin Resistant E. statebuilding

It seems that Mr. H is known for his alphabetizing ability, and his annual scavenger hunt. He's also known for his list of desired girlfriend qualities, "An abridged version" said the Sunday Stylez Crew, "would include: brainy, creative, humble, funny, confident and energetic enough to go out every night. And one more thing: 'Hot. That was important.'" Translation: Hot. Re-translation: Hot, and willing to always put Queen II in front of Queen on Fire: Live at the Bowl because I comes before O, or U.

Let's look at the man himself...

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Any middle class pig can photograph himself in the bathroom mirror. But, the car mirror! Genius. Every car commercial every written satirized in a single, digital moment! Couldn't we get a better head-shot, you ask? Well, no. He's a small, Beetle-like figure in wedding picture A, and an out of focus cheek in wedding picture B.

He's definitely "small enough to fit in a guitar case"

According to the article, the couple married themselves, as is legal under Colorado law. What sort of pretentious yuppie Napoleon bullshit is this?

Napoleon: Also small enough to fit in a guitar case.

Buyers Remorse

As always, the real story is in the background...

He and Alex gaze at the same thing far to the right. Is it the open bar? The air conditioner? Or the next item on Alex's scavenger hunt of love? Only time will tell, but statistics say...

Finally, I'm going to try to convince Cara to help me out with a video, which may get updated in below.

*Veiled Conceit is the original idea of 'Zach' at Veiled Conceit

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Top residency choices this week:

1 allergy & immunology 46
2 hematology 44
3 radiology 44
4 aerospace med 43
5 dermatology 43
6 neurosurgery 43
7 neurology 42
8 emergency med 42
9 general surgery 42
10 pediatrics 42