Sunday, March 25, 2007

More Veiled Conceit*

Peruse this wedding announcement:

"Unknown to Ms. Luft, her skirt had somehow become tucked into her pantyhose. When the elevator door opened, she realized there was a problem. 'I only noticed when everyone in the elevator was staring at my backside,'"

Obviously, this woman is very enamored of her sweet, tight buns or she wouldn't have related this tidbit to the whole planet. Or at least she was enamored of her 16 year old buns. Let's see what Wechter has to say about it:

''I was very attracted to Sara when I first met her... She's got a very engaging personality. I thought about her all the way home.''

Sweet, tight, engaging.

Couples write their own wedding announcements, so one can only wonder why the couple chose to write it this way. Do they want us to read between the lines? Do they figure they have a better shot of getting in if they have a bit of salacious summer camp gossip?

Doing an O&P (That's occupations and parents) we find that their jobs are investment/portfolio types, as are their parents, so, they're standard fare for the NYTWCA. They live in New Jersey, he works in Greenwich, and she works in New York. How miserable. Each of them spends at least 3 hours a day in the car or in transit.

Other than the meeting story, this couple is so aggressively boring that they would normally fly under the VC radar, except for the bride's heavily aftershadowed closing line, '''It was Josh, making sure I got home safely from my flight,'' she said. 'That was when we were 16 years old, and we've pretty much stayed together since.'''

pretty much [prit-ee muhch] adv. 1. After dating for two years dating long distance, they agreed to 'see other people at college.' His banana face

doomed him to four years of sucking face at closing time at the Copabanana. (Slogan: Where ugly girls go to cop banana faces.

I just realized that this icon is probably for an establishment where ugly girls go to cop other sorts of bananas, but I think the point is made). His bitterness increased when in a desperate, drunk dialing rage he called her voice mail and got: "Hi, this is Sar, please leave a message after the tone. If you're calling because you saw my name above the urinal at Tongue and Groove (click for awesome music), please send a head and a body shot to I'm totally stoked to hear from you, bye-ee." His sobbing description of a strange sore on his penis drew out her compassion, and she agreed to get back together... after the penicillin kicked in.

2. He demanded that they stay together through college, but then one day that girl in his Management 318 class showed up with her skirt tucked in her pantyhose. She flew in unexpectedly to surprise him, and found the pantyhose draped over his doornob. "Wechter?" He said over the phone, "I hardly knew 'er." Six years, 14 breakups, and numerous heartfelt conversations later, they give up on dating other people and show the whole world their orthodontic work on the NYTWCA.

3. In order to stay together in college, they lived in Rocky Mount, VA (exactly halfway between University City and Atlanta) and commuted 6 hours in either direction, which makes their current 3 hour commute look like crossing the street. Once she got really sleepy and stayed in a rest stop in North Carolina, so they spent the night apart.

Which do you think is most likely?

*Veiled Conceit is the original idea of 'Zach' at Veiled Conceit
With special help from Cara.

No comments: