Monday, December 25, 2006

Matchmaker matchmaker: A little veiled conceit

Recently, my mother asked whether people actually meet on JDate. Well mom, if the December 3rd vows couple is to be believed, not only JDate, but also and are smoking. Yes, mom, I'm sure they're full of nice Jewish girls.

But what's with Jews and constantly fulfilling stereotypes (and using that classic Seinfeld construction?)?

The bride, Rebecca Benjamin (oy!) is a matchmaker from Chappaqua, home of those other famous Jews, the Clintons. Alas, she is doomed never to fall in love, until she does. Maybe it's because she's so bossy, what with her always having to get the appetizer that she wants and getting a seat next to the groom at a singles event. She's quite picky though, "surmis[ing] from his height and appearance that he was potentially the one for her." From the pictures it looks like those qualifications were, "taller than me" and "cheeks you can grab while calling someone a little punim."
Not that his judgement of hotness is that great either. When visiting a friend, he saw a picture of that friend, former Vice President Dan Quayle, and Ms. Benjamin - focussed on her! Maybe it was recent and Danny boy has lost his hotness... sigh. Oh Dan.

I'm sure her heart jumped when she found out he worked at the law firm of Goldstein (no relation), Goldstein (no relation), Rikon, and Gottlieb, but must have descended a bit when she discovered he was only an associate. This means one of two equally troubling things: Either there are a lot more Rikons running around than I thought, or the groom is working for his father at the age of 30.
Finally they danced and formed an "instant relationship." They were "inseperable" But three weeks later the little Punim went on another singles cruise.
Why did he go?

"I booked in advance, and it was non-refundable..."
It was non-refundable.
Way to make the race look bad, buddy. *
The rest of the piece continues in its typical sappy fashion with additional bits of sterotypical Jewishness, but nothing can match the enormity of this confession, so I think I'll leave you with that.

As always, I must give credit to the originator of this concept, "Zach" of Veiled Conceit.
* Among the commandments that Jews are required to follow is to not commit Hillul ha-Shem, which is shaming the name of God. Indeed, there is a commandment against bad PR. Of course there's also a commandment against shaving with a razor, but being the modern Jew that I am, I continue to see the historial reason for the former commandment while gleefully violating that latter.

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