No, no, I live in...

I have a friend that lives in the west loop. Well, not actually the west loop. He lives west of the west loop, in what one might call the United Center Zone. However, one can't say that one lives in the United Center Zone because to those in the know, it is the equivalent of saying, "I live in a free fire zone."

This is the problem with the neighborhood system in Chicago. The only semi-official demarcation dates back to 1920, with the obvious problems that come from never getting updated. Thus, developers rename areas of gentrification to make them sound like the areas they want them to be, and not like the areas that they are.

I have decided to do the same thing for Hyde Park,* so, with no further throat clearing:

GENTRIFICATION NAMES FOR HYDE PARK:

Academic Village - obvious
Rockefeller Park - after the university's first benefactor
Forefront Beach - after the hospital's ridiculable slogan
Exposition Park- after the 1893 Columbian exhibition
Suchi and Nuchi - Southern and Northern University of Chicago in the fashion of Tribeca
Olympia - in hopes of netting the 2016 games


We'd just have to do something about the food, the groceries, the public transit, the entertainment and we'd do just fine.

GENTRIFICATION NAME FOR THE UofC: Northwestern.



*: Note that, according to the old system, I live in Woodlawn, which is considered even less desirable, but would be contained within my rubric(s).
**: Rejected names: Columbia Park (columbia is always a 'not-nice' part of town), Harpersville (lame), University anything (see columbia) Ferris Pont (weird), Midway anything (association with previously sketchy airport, though I now note that Midway is quite clean and nice looking, also convenient for moi).